Professional chef disappoints friends after bringing store-bought dip for a potluck, explains that she's not the unpaid caterer: ‘I cook professionally for 50-60 hours a week… I just want to exist at a social event!'

Potluck dinners are fun for people who want to show off their cooking, not for professional chefs. If you already show off your cooking as a full-time paid gig, then potluck parties tend to lose their pizzazz. You don't invite your mechanic friend to your house and then expect them to service everyone's car? Or expect your dentist friend to check everyone's teeth while they're yapping at the party. Why would you want your friend to have to do their job (unpaid!) at your party?

This chef had finally had it with her friends' potluck-style parties. She enjoyed them because she appreciates gathering around food with the people she cares about and enjoys each other's company. However, it quickly turned into her having to cook the most extravagant meals for all her friends to eat and then judge everyone else's dishes. It was no longer a fun social event with her friends, it was her clocking in for an unpaid shift. 

So, she did what she could to turn it back into a friendly social event for herself by not cooking. She showed up with a store-bought hummus and some sliced-up veggies, and that was that. She was excited not to have to "perform" for her friends anymore. Unfortunately, they were all disappointed that they weren't getting their free gourmet meal/cooking class. She tried to explain that she just wanted to hang out and not have to do her job, but many, including the host, didn't seem to get the picture…

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  • Woman happily cooking and chopping up vegetables in her bright at-home kitchen with fresh flowers
    via Unsplash (Getty Images)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.
    Woman happily cooking and chopping up vegetables in her bright at-home kitchen with fresh flowers

  • "AITJ for bringing a "lazy" dish to a potluck when everyone knows I'm a professional chef?"

    So I've been a line cook and then chef for about nine years now. My friends know what I do, they've eaten my food, some of them have even come to restaurants I've worked at.
    via Radiant44Pike
  • It's a real part of my identity in our friend group. Every few months we do a potluck at someone's place.
    via Radiant44Pike
  • I genuinely love these, it's casual, everyone brings something, we eat and hang out. But here's the thing - the moment people found out what I do for a living, every potluck became this unspoken performance review.
    via Radiant44Pike
  • People would watch me eat their dish and wait for my reaction. Someone once literally asked me to "score" their lasagna.
    via Radiant44Pike
  • I started to dread it a little. So this time I made a deliberate choice. I brought a really good store-bought hummus, transferred it into a nice bowl, sliced some vegetables, arranged everything nicely and called it a day.
    via Radiant44Pike
  • Nothing homemade, nothing elaborate. I just wanted to show up as a friend, not as the entertainment.
    via Radiant44Pike
  • Two people said nothing. Three people laughed and assumed I was joking and kept asking what the "real" dish was.
    via Radiant44Pike
  • Plated hummus with veggies and other dipping sauces
    via Unsplash+ (nrd)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.
    Plated hummus with veggies and other dipping sauces.

  • And my friend Kate pulled me aside and said she was kind of dissapointed because she'd been looking forward to trying something I made, and that it felt like I didn't care about the evening.
    via Radiant44Pike
  • I tried to explain that I cook professionally for 50-60 hours a week and that sometimes I just want to exist at a social event without my job being the main event too.
    via Radiant44Pike
  • Kate said she understood but still seemed a bit cold for the rest of the night.
    via Radiant44Pike
  • I don't think I did anything wrong but the reactions have me second guessing myself a little.
    via Radiant44Pike
  • TL;DR: I'm a professional chef and deliberately brought store-bought hummus to a friend potluck because I'm tired of every social gathering becoming an unofficial tasting menu.
    via Radiant44Pike
  • Friends were disappointed and one said she felt like I didn't care. AITJ?
    via Radiant44Pike
  • Happy woman, professional chef, cooking at home in a stylish kitchen
    via Unsplash+ (Michael T)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.
    Happy woman, professional chef, cooking at home in a stylish kitchen

  • Expecting your friend to perform labor at your party is already too much. Sure, that is somewhat insinuated in a potluck-style party, but you should not expect everyone to put in the same amount of effort. The point is still to have fun. Some people's idea of fun is cooking up a storm in the kitchen, while others have nothing to do with cooking. In fact, as a self-proclaimed, horrible cook who has ended up in the ER twice for cooking-related incidents, I do not find my time in the kitchen to be fun. I make some sustenance and try to get in and out unharmed. It's a battle zone for me in there! So, I tend to be the friend who brings a dip or swings by McDonald's for a nuggets and fries platter for the potluck dinner. At least I'm not showing up empty-handed! Or worse, with half of my finger sliced off (yes, that happened to me while I was cutting an onion)…

    Friends need to understand that professions make a person, and many would view “fun” as something they don't have to clock in and do every single day. Even if it's something that you would consider fun. 

  • Footbe4rd Next time, bring a bag of ice and tell them it is a deconstructed water sculpture. People really need to learn that chef is a job title, not a personality trait you have to switch on 24/7
    via Footbe4rd
  • OP Radiant44Pike Imao "deconstructed water sculpture" is killing me. But yeah, that is basically the point. I wanted to show up as a person, not the evening's unpaid chef.
    via Radiant44Pike
  • craziness-69 You didn't do anything wrong, but I would decline an invitation to the next couple of these, since it appears that you are the unofficial caterer.
    via craziness-69
  • OP Radiant44Pike Missing a couple might honestly make the point better than explaining it again.
    via Radiant44Pike
  • Gimena Tango There's this great place where Kate can try something you've made, the place you work!
    via GimenaTango
  • OP Radiant44Pike That part really stood out to me too. Nobody else had to "prove" they cared by turning a casual hangout into a performance, but somehow me bringing a normal dish got treated like I let the group down.
    via Radiant44Pike
  • Ok_Conversation9750 NTJ at all. Ask your friends who expect you to be a 24/7 chef for their entertainment if they're willing to perform their job for free for you and your friends. le the accountant can do everyone's taxes! The teacher can take all your kids on an educational field trip! You get the idea ;)
    via Ok_Conversation9750
  • Elegant_Honey-63 As funny as this is, it's also real. Nobody expects accountants to audit spreadsheets at a potluck, but chefs are supposed to perform on command
    via Elegant_Honey-63
  • Happy friends enjoying a potluck-style dinner outdoors, smiling and laughing
    via Unsplash +(Curated Lifestyle)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.
    Happy friends enjoying a potluck-style dinner outdoors, smiling and laughing

  • Competitive_Ice4439 Absolutely fine to take a break from "chef-ing" and just enjoy a social hour. It sounds like the potluck is a cover to get you to cook food for them. Do what you feel like!
    via Competitive_Ice4439
  • oFbeingCaLM You are not the j tho... Your friends
    via oFbeingCalM
  • SwanCityDominion In their eyes, you're not a friend anymore but a supplier of special food. Pull back on that for a while, keep bringing easy things that are tasty but don't require much effort if any. Eventually they'll get the message.
    via SwanCityDominion
  • MD7001 NTJ but your friends sure are! Would they expect a doctor to perform exams? Lawyers to review cases? Mechanics to fix their cars? Of course not. So to expect you to "perform" is very selfish on their part
    via MD7001
  • HowlVector What gets me is that they weren't disappointed in the food, they were disappointed you didn't perform your profession for them. That's such a weird entitlement thing to dump on a friend at a casual hangout.
    via HowlVector

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